Tuesday, September 20, 2005

Religion Sucks, Lets Make Fun Of It

Top 10 Reasons Why Beer Is Better Than God
10. No one will kill you for not drinking Beer.

9. Beer doesn't tell you how to have sex.
8. Beer has never caused a major war.
7. They don't force Beer on minors who can't think for themselves.
6. When you have Beer, you don't knock on people's doors trying to make them drink it.
5. Nobody's ever been burned at the stake, hanged, or tortured over their brand of Beer.
4. You don't have to wait more than 2,000 years for a second Beer.
3. There are laws saying that Beer labels can't lie to you.
2. If you've devoted your life to Beer, there are groups to help you stop.
1. You can prove you have a Beer.

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Jesus was nailed up on the cross. The crowds were all around him. From on the cross Jesus cries out "John..."

John, hearing this, rushes up to his Lord. Before he can get close a Centurion grabs him and cuts off his right foot and throws him back in the crowd.
Again Jesus cries out "John..."
John again fights his way throughout the crowd. The Centurion grabs him and cuts off his left foot and throws him back.
Jesus cries out yet again "John..."
John drags himself through the crowd with his hands only to meet the same Centurion who cuts of his right hand and throws him back into the crowd.
"John..."
John manages to crawl through the crowd pulling himself along the ground by his left and manages to sneak past the Centurion this time. He drags himself over to the cross and looks up at his Master and says "I am here my Lord. What is it?"
Jesus says "John... I can see your house from up here."

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A very religious man lived right next door to an atheist. While the religious one prayed day in, day out, and was constantly on his knees in communion with his Lord, the atheist never even looked twice at a church.

The atheist's life was good, he had a well-paying job and a beautiful wife, and his children were healthy and good-natured, whereas the pious man's job was strenuous and his wages were low, his wife was getting fatter every day and his kids wouldn't give him the time of the day.
So one day, deep in prayer, the religious man raised his eyes towards heaven and asked, "Oh God, I honor you every day, I ask your advice for every problem and confess to you my every sin. Yet my neighbor, who doesn't even believe in you and certainly never prays, seems blessed with every happiness, while I go poor and suffer many an indignity. Why is this?"
And a great voice was heard from above, "Because he doesn't bother me all the time!"

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Jesus walks into a hotel, goes up to the counter. He puts three nails on the counter and says, "I need to be put up for the night."

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A preacher was telling his congregation that anything they could think of, old or new, was discussed somewhere in the Bible and that the entirety of the human experience could be found there.
After the service, he was approached by a woman who said,"Preacher, I don't believe the Bible mentions PMS."
The preacher replied that he was sure it must be there somewhere and that he would look for it.
The following week after the service, the preacher called the woman aside and showed her a passage which read... "And Mary rode Joseph's ass all the way to Bethlehem."



1 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Please read the word of God (The Bible) God has a plan for you. There is more love from God than you know so please think twice before making idle remarks against the All Mighty.

9:52 p.m.  

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